Dynasty Idiots 2: Letters of Insanity
by Sonata-Time-Nocturne-Flare-Aoi
Summary: Complete! The final letter is up! We have uncovered various secret letters written by your favorite Dynasty Warriors characters. Witness as the chaos ensues in this special multi-author project.
1. Letter 1

**Story**: Dynasty Idiots 2: Letters of Insanity  
**Authors**: Master Jin Sonata, Time Master, Koaishine (Paramore), Flare Zero  
**Written**: December 22, 2008  
**Genre**: Humor  
**Rating**: T (Language, violence, extreme stupidity)  
**Disclaimer**: We do not own Koei…we wish!

* * *

**Letter 1: The Tiger's Hooked**

**By**: Master Jin Sonata

* * *

Dear Sun Ce,

How are you kids? I'm doing juuuust fantastic!!!! I'm all ready and pumped up for the next oncoming battle against Wei! Are you all ready to earn your stripes? All right!!! Contact the other Wu officers, because this is gonna be grrrrrrrrreat!!!!

Signed, Sun (Tony) Jian

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Wu officers,

Brace yourselves, our father has downed another box of Frosted Flakes and he's acting all stupid again. I thought I told you guys to hide that damn cereal from him! You know how he gets about this tiger crap!

Signed, Sun Family

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Sun Family

Have you seen my basketball uniform? I placed it in my locker a week ago now I can't find them anywhere!

Signed, Huang Gai

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Sun Family

…Never mind, We found them, along with your father. Damn, didn't know he packed on so much weight as of late…I mean…good god…those shorts are about to snap off of him any minute…what in devils name has he been eating?

Signed Zhou Yu

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Wu officers

What do you think he's been eating?

Signed Sun Family

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Sun Family,

Oh, that's right…

P.S.: Xiao Qiao is scared. She's more subconscious now about her weight. Come to think of it, I think I saw her kick one of your pet tigers the other night…odd, I wonder why she did that...

Signed, Zhou Yu

* * *

**Looks like someone needs to repossess his cereal…**

**What other letters will we uncover? Stay tuned and find out!**


	2. Letter 2

**Letter 2: Great Minds Think Differently**

**By Guest Author**: HyperSix

* * *

Dear Zhuge Liang,

Muahahaha!

Signed, Sima Yi

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Sima Yi,

Ah, so it is you, my illustrious rival. What are you up to I wonder?

Signed, Zhuge Liang

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Zhuge Liang,

I have invented a new object of destruction that will be sure to crush your army of Shu!

Signed, Sima Yi

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Sima Yi,

Is that so? Well, I personally think your inventions are sub-par compared to mine.

Signed, Zhuge Liang

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Zhuge Liang,

What?! You imbecile! You cannot grasp the full extent of my genius!

Signed, Sima (I'm better than you) Yi

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Sima Yi,

Come say it to my face if you are so confident, hmm?

Signed, Zhuge Liang

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Zhuge Liang,

Fine! I will! Stay right there!

Signed Sima Yi

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Cao Cao,

Would you mind coming over by my office and scraping your strategist off of my floor? Seems like he fell for another one of my simple plights. Once again, Sima Yi has been out-fought, and out-thought.

Signed, Zhuge Liang

* * *

**A word to the wise: Don't mess with Zhuge Liang!**

**What other letters will we uncover? Stay tuned and find out!**


	3. Letter 3

**Letter 3: Blind Dates Are No Good ****  
**

**By**: Koaishine (Paramore)

* * *

Dear Diao Chan,

Oh Diao Chan my love, I am writing to you because I wish to meet you in person. Talking to each other via letter has left me with the urge to finally hold you and love you.

Signed, Anonymous

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Anonymous,

It has been three long years since we first started writing to each other. I'm flattered you are thinking of me. I too have been waiting for the day that we could finally be together as one.

Signed, Diao Chan

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Diao Chan,

It is settled! Next week we have a candlelight dinner together, and afterward, we come to my place and really discover one another. Will this be all right my love?

Signed, Anonymous

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Anonymous,

Why yes! Next week will be wonderful! By the way, could you tell me your name, my sexy pen pal?

Signed, Diao Chan

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Diao Chan,

Yes my love! I will gladly reveal my name to you my sweet love!

Forever Yours, Red Hare

* * *

**Boy, wait until Lu Bu hears about this!**

**What other letters will we uncover? Stay tuned and find out!**


	4. Letter 4

**Letter 4: A Shaky Relationship****?**

**  
By**: Time Master

* * *

Dear Cao Pi,

I am extremely angered and disappointed at you! Last week during the Three Kingdom's Ball, I saw you winking at that little slut from Shu! Xing Cai is her name, is it? What do you have to say for yourself?!

Signed, Zhen Ji

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Zhen Ji,

My dear Zhen Ji! This is all a misunderstanding! I'm surprised you are not aware that winking at other women is polite at such social gatherings. You know I love you better than anyone else.

Signed, Cao Pi (Love you)

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Cao Pi,

...How stupid do you think I am? And what do you mean by you love me better than anyone else? So you are seeing other women then, is that it?

Signed, (Your increasingly angered wife) Zhen Ji

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Zhen Ji,

That's not what I meant! You know you're the only one for me!

Signed, (On his knees) Cao Pi

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear You Little Cheating Little So-In-So,

Uh huh, yeah right. I just received a photo from that fatass Xu Zhu took of you to getting real cozy with that hussy Xing Cai. Good luck trying to find a place to sleep in our home when I return in a few days.

Signed, Zhen Ji

PS: No sex for a month.

* * *

Seems like a bad time for relationships, isn't it?

What other letters will we uncover? Stay tuned and find out!


	5. Letter 5

**Letter 5: No You!!!!**

**By:** Bronx Shogun

**

* * *

**

Dear Yuan Shao

You stink you noble pansy! You should just die right now and save me the trouble of killing you! So do it!

Signed, Dong Zhuo

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Dong Zhuo

It is you who stinks and is the pansy! How dare someone as fat and lazy as you dare insult me like this!? My God you're pathetic!

Signed, Yuan Shao

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Yuan Shao

NO YOU!!!!!!

Signed, Dong Zhuo

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Dong Zhuo

Oh that was a nice comeback, did you stay up all night thinking that one up? Honestly, you're a small child in a fat man's body!

Signed, Yuan Shao

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Yuan Shao

NO YOU AGAIN!!!!!

Singed, Dong Zhuo

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Dong Zhuo

…Weirdo.

Signed, Yuan Shao

* * *

Seems like Dong Zhuo was never the intellectual type…especially when it comes to winning arguments.

What other letters will we uncover? Stay tuned and find out!

Remember, you too can have your letter posted here! PM us if you wish to take part of this series!


	6. Letter 6

**Letter 6: Customer Service**

**By**: Flare Zero

* * *

Dear Customer Service,

I am writing a complaint about a faulty product I bought last week! Someone better answer soon or else!

Signed (Dissatisfied customer) Lu Bu

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Valued Customer,

What exactly is the problem with your product?

Signed, Cao Pi

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Customer Service,

Well, Mr. Piss, I bought this toaster last week at the Three Kingdom's Emporium and it fails to make me toast! I demand an explanation for this or else I'm coming back for a refund!

Signed, Lu Bu

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Valued Customer,

Oh, it's you again…well, Mr. Lu Bu, for starters did you try plugging it in?

Signed, Cao Pi

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Customer Service,

…Um…maybe…?

Signed, Lu Bu

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Moronic & Annoying Customer,

I'm not even going to bother…

Signed, Cao Pi

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Zhang Liao,

Can you believe that was the fifteenth time I had to write to that confounded superstore about the toaster I bought?! Can no one provide me with decent service?!

Signed, Lu Bu

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Lu Bu,

Why not just return it and get your money back and get the whole thing over with?

Signed, Zhang Liao

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Zhang Liao,

They won't even let me into the dang parking lot after I tried to conquer the freakin' store!

Signed, Lu Bu

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Lu Bu,

Wait, why in the world did you try to conquer the store in the first place!?

Signed, Zhang Liao

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Zhang Liao,

Because they claim that I assaulted some little Wu brat with the two swords after he tried to grab the last of the frozen burritos from the grocery section!

Signed, Lu Bu

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Lu Bu,

…You need to work on your people skills, you know that?

Signed, (shaking his head in disbelief) Zhang Liao

* * *

Toaster's toast bread…Lu Bu gets burned…and everyone is happy!

What other letters will we uncover? Stay tuned and find out!


	7. Letter 7

**Letter 7: Deadbeat Dad**

**By**: Master Jin Sonata

* * *

Dear Anybody,

I am searching for my father Zhang Fei, and I cannot seem to find him anywhere all week. Please, will someone let me know if you've seen him around? I need him to cash his recent child support check so he can help pay for my college tuition.

Signed, Xing Cai

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Daughter of Zhang Fei,

Yes, if I recall, I last saw your father heading toward the local tavern to buy Guan Yu, Liu Bei, and himself some drinks a few days ago. I hope that this would be of assistance in your search.

Signed, Zhuge Liang

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Miss Fei,

I have in fact seen your father yesterday betting on a fight between Zhao Yun and Ma Chao. It seemed he wasted a large sum of money on that bout. Poor guy...punched out both fighters out of frustration.

Signed, Pang Tong

**---------------------------------------------------------**

DEAR…LITTLE…FEI,

ZHANG FEI…AT CASINO…EARLIER…TODAY. BETTING…REMAINING CASH…HE…LOSE ALL…

SIGNED…WEI YAN

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Zhang Fei

Sorry you are in the hospital. We have no clue how your daughter Xing Cai found out you were secretly blowing her child support money on booze and gambling this past week. Get we soon!

Signed, Shu Officers & Friends

* * *

Okay, admit it…Zhang Fei deserved to get his ass kicked by his daughter for that.

What other letters will we uncover? Stay tuned and find out!


	8. Letter 8

**Letter 8: The Almighty Idiot**

**By**: Flare Zero

* * *

Dear Unsaved Souls,

I offer you to join me on my mission to provide everlasting prosperity to my people! I promise to purge the evils in the world by adopting my philosophy of 'The Way of Peace'! Reply to this letter if you wished to be saved!

Signed Zhang Jiao

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Zhang Jiao,

How dare you solicit your pathetic religious bull-crap to our Kingdom. I oughta skin you for even wasting my time with this, you scrawny little zealot.

Signed, Dian Wei

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Zhang Whatever,

What is this? I'm not going to join your little inner circle of lies. How am I supposed to entertain myself if there are no wars and battles? Man you're weak. And get a goddamn haircut for pete sake, you look like you ripped off a lion's mane and glued it to your face!

Signed, Gan Ning

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Zhang Jiao,

I now know for sure it was you that's been sending me and my son Guan Ping these daily pamphlets for your so-called religious sect. I oughta strangle you with my beard if this keeps up.

Signed, Guan Yu.

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Zhang Jiao,

Lord Cao Cao told me not to reply to strangers. Am I smart or what? I'm hungry. See you later!

Signed, Xu Zhu

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Unsaved Souls,

Oh, my poor children, blinded by the chaos across the land. Is there nothing that would change your minds?

Signed, Zhang Jiao

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Zhang Jiao,

NO!!!

Signed, everyone.

* * *

Ouch. No love for the false prophet!

What other letters will we uncover? Stay tuned and find out!


	9. Letter 9

**Letter 9: Bull's-eye!**

**By**: Master Jin Sonata

* * *

Dear Huang Zhong,

Hey granddad! Is your hip too sore to spar with me in a little archery contest this weekend?

Signed Xiahou Yuan

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Xiahou Yuan,

You young whippersnapper! It's sore as hell now that I have this arrow in my side! Why the hell did you send that letter to me by arrow anyways?

Signed, Huang Zhong

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Huang Zhong,

It's not my fault! Xu Huang sent it, I swear!

Signed, Xiahou Yuan

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Xiahou Yuan,

You're a horrible liar, you know that? That axe-wielding friend of yours is no archer! Now you're gonna get it you whelp!

Signed, Huang Zhong

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Cao Cao,

Hey cousin, how's your trip across the sea? Strange weather we're having here back at home, multitudes of arrows having been raining across the region for the past several hours. On top of that, I noticed Xiahou Yuan running around outside yelling nonsense as he tried to dodge them. Anyways, write back soon.

Signed, Xiahou Dun

* * *

You should respect your elders, or you might get an arrow up your ass!

What other letters will we uncover? Stay tuned and find out!


	10. Letter 10

**Letter 10: Animal Instincts**

**By Guest Author**: Vialin

* * *

Dear Lu Bu,

Hey Lu Bu! Write back to me as soon as possible you macho blowhard.

Signed Zhu Rong

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Zhu Rong,

What? What is it, Savage Woman? I'm busy right now!

Signed, Lu Bu

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Lu Bu,

I'm writing to warn you of an unknown predator roaming the lands, seducing women and getting the goods from them. I heard Zhen Ji fell victim to this menace before, and your lover Diao Chan may be in danger as well.

Signed, Zhu Rong

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Zhu Rong,

A predator? Ha! Lu Bu is not afraid of any predators. I'll track down whoever it is and impale them with my spear if they even go near my love Diao Chan!

Signed, Lu Bu

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Lu Bu,

I just discovered this so-called lady predator within our Nanman region, and his name is Red Hare. So come and get your horse-slut-bitch before it starts eloping with our elephants like it tried to last night.

Signed, Zhu Rong

* * *

Damn…Lu Bu's horse is out of control!

What other letters will we uncover? Stay tuned and find out!


	11. Letter 11

**Letter 11: Don't Have A Cao, Man**

**By Guest Author**: GrapeSoda

* * *

Dear Bovine Urine,

Hey you idiot, you are a disgrace to your father and your family! You should be a shamed that you will never amount to anything in life!

Signed, Anonymous

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Whoever The Hell You Are,

How dare you insult me! I, the son of Cao Cao, will not tolerate such insolence. Reveal your name so we can duel to the death.

Signed, Cao Pi

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Cao Piss,

Oh please, fighting you will be like fighting to satisfy Xu Zhu's appetite: useless!!! You are weak, a hack, and you are whack!

Signed, Anonymous

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Someone Who's Going To Be Dead Soon,

That does it! I'm going to have your handwritten analyzed by a master publicist and find out once in for all who you really are! Prepare yourself!

Signed, Cao Pi

**---------------------------------------------------------**

Dear Zhang He,

Yo Zhang, just writing to ask you if you've visited Zhen Ji as of late in the hospital? Seems like Cao Pi really roughed her up good. Seems like her test in seeing how well her husband could handle his anger really backfired. Well, write back once you get this.

Signed, Xu Huang

* * *

This is why you should never tease a raging Cao.

What other letters will we uncover? Stay tuned to the next chappie!


	12. Letter 12

**Letter 12: Lu Xun Gets Owned**

**By**: Master Jin Sonata

* * *

Dear Zhao Tai,

HELP!!! I'm in jail!!!

Signed, Lu Xun

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Lu Xun,

How in the world did you end up in jail, little one?

Signed, Zhao Tai

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Zhao Tai,

During the battle of Chi Bi, I was accused of attacking neutral third-party troops, but I'm innocent I tell you! Those were just Shu soldiers in disguise!

Signed, Lu Xun

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Lu Xun

I will try to get you a lawyer and a court date. Hang tight.

Signed, Zhao Tai

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Zhao Tai,

Any luck with getting that lawyer? These inmates are being mean to me!

Signed, Lu Xun

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Lu Xun

Regrettably our Kingdom is low on funds. So I was only able to hire someone within our price range: Dong Zhuo.

Signed, Zhao Tai

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Zhao Tai,

Wait, WHAT?! Then who did the Kingdom of Shu hire for their attorney?!

Signed, Lu Xun

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Lu Xun

They got Zhuge Liang.

Signed, Zhao Tai

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Zhao Tai,

…Oh crap…that's not good…well, see you in the hearings then…I gotta stop writing now, my cellmate 'Ben-Dover' is ready to shower…(Shudders)

Signed, Lu Xun

* * *

Yeah I think Lu Xun is screwed…both ways.

What other letters will we uncover? Stay tuned to the next letter!


	13. Letter 13

**Letter 13: Red Hare On The Run**

**By**: Paramore

* * *

Dear Anyone,

HELP! If anyone receives this letter, please respond! I'm in dire straits here! I'm on the run from my master Lu Bu! He's trying to catch me so he can lock me in a stable for my crimes of humping the other ladies across the land!

Signed, Red Hare

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Cao Cao,

Hey Lord Cao Cao! I got a letter from a talking horsy!

Signed, Xu Zhu

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Xu Zhu,

…Boy what have you been smoking?

Signed, Cao Cao

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Cao Cao,

I'm not smoking anything! I got proof!

Signed, Xu Zhu

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Xu Zhu,

Well then forward the letter to me (Though I think this is a complete waste of time…)

Signed, Cao Cao

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Cao Cao,

Okay…but I don't know how to forward something! Can I just send it to you?

Signed, Xu Zhu

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Xu Zhu,

YES! JUST SEND ME THE GODDAMN LETTER!!!

Signed, Cao Cao

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Cao Cao,

Why didn't you say so! Okay!

Signed, Xu Zhu

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Xu Zhu,

After reading this letter you received from this supposed…horse…I have one thing to say about this…

………

…I need to lay off the alcohol…besides…this sounds like something Pang De would write…I'm off to go whoop his ass to relieve some stress…

Signed, Cao Cao

* * *

Will nobody help Red Hare?!?!

What other letters will we uncover? Stay tuned to the next letter!


	14. Letter 14

**Letter 14: Hair There & Everywhere**

**By**: Time Master

* * *

Dear Dian Wei,

Dont'cha wish your mustache was sexy like mine?

Signed, Yuan Shao

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Yuan Shao,

…The hell are you talking about?

Signed, Dian Wei

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Dian Wei,

If your mustache were anything as good looking as say…mines, then you would surely get the ladies!

Signed, Yuan Shao

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear, Yuan Shao

I don't even have a mustache you noble bastard!

Signed, Dian Wei

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Dian Wei,

It's also a shame you don't have a flowing beard like me!

Signed, Guan Yu

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Dian Wei,

Or me! The heavens have blessed name with a wonderful coat of facial hair!

Signed, Zhang Jiao

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Annoying Guys,

The hell?! How'd you get involved in this conversation? Man this is stupid!

Signed, Dian Wei

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Dian Wei,

I feel you completely. Facial hair is overrated.

Signed, Sima Yi

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Sima Yi,

Good, bout damn time someone agrees with me that bald is beautiful.

Signed, Dian Wei

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Dian Wei,

Bald is beautiful? HA!!! That's a good one. What I meant was facial hair is boring, now **_chest hair_** is where its at! You should see the bushy goodness I have underneath my outfit! Muahaha!

Signed, Sima Yi

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Dian Wei,

I agree. The enemy cringes in fear before Pang De's massive chest hair.

Signed, Pang De

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Nasty-Ass Officers,

…That's it; I'm done talking to you queers. I'm going to go wax and buff my noggin, got a Mr. Clean commercial to appear in soon.

Signed, Dian Wei

* * *

Gimmie some of that hair…long beautiful hair……okay I'll stop singing…

What other letters will we uncover? Stay tuned to the next letter!


	15. Letter 15

**Letter 15: Sima-Stupid, Zhuge-Smart**

**By**: Master Jin Sonata & Paramore

* * *

Dear Zhuge Liang,

Muahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Signed, Sima Yi

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Sima Yi,

Ah, Sima Yi, it has been a while. I assume you have recovered from your little accident the last time you came over to visit?

Signed, Zhuge Liang

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Zhuge Liang,

Shut up!!! I may have fallen for your dirty tricks before, but no longer will I be the laughing stock of my kingdom due to your schemes, feather-head!

Signed, Sima Yi

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear, Sima Yi,

I see…but tell me, who exactly are you calling a feather-head, Mr. feather-mouth?

Signed, Zhuge Liang

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Zhuge Liang,

Feather-mouth?!?! How about I come over to your kingdom and give you a fat lip?

Signed, Sima Yi

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Sima Yi,

You amuse me, Sima Yi. Trying words from a fat head such as yourself.

Signed, Zhuge Liang

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Zhuge Liang,

That's it!!! I'm coming over right now and kicking your ass!

Signed, Sima Yi

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Xu Huang,

Yo Xu! Have you seen Sima Yi as of late? Saw him walking around our castle with a white feather fan jammed down his throat, looked like he tried swallowing a live chicken and failed!!! Bwahahaha!!!!

Signed, Xiahou Yuan

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Weapons Inc,

Hello, I am writing to your company to purchase a new war fan. My…previous one has served its purpose. I'll take priority shipping, and please charge it to my account. Thank you.

Signed, Zhuge Liang

* * *

When will Sima Yi ever learn?

What other letters will we uncover? Stay tuned to the next letter!


	16. Letter 16

**Final Letter 16: Hare today, Mate The Same Day**

**By**: Master Jin Sonata

* * *

Dear Dynasty Warriors,

I can't take it anymore! You all are big meanies!!! Just because I want a little love, you all to do away with me! Well you know what? You all can stuff it! What do you say to that, jerks?

Signed, Red Hare

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Red Hare,

How dare you talk trash to us! Just wait till I get my hands on you, you damn horny horse!

Signed, Dong Zhuo

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Red Hare,

Pretty brave for a dumb animal such as yourself for trying to provoke three nations into doing something about your big mouth. When our force gets a hold of you, you'll be going straight to the glue factory!

Signed, Sun Ce

---------------------------------------------------------

DEAR…PONY…

YOU'LL…MAKE GREAT…HORSE BURGERS…

SIGNED…WEI YAN

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Red Hare,

Your crime of committing adultery upon the ladies of the land is unforgivable. You will soon serve as a trophy on my mantle.

Signed, Zhuge Liang

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Horsy,

I KNEW you could talk! And Lord Cao Cao made me get prescription drugs for my supposed delusions. I'm so happy!

Signed, Xu Zhu

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Talking Mare,

You are a bad horse, you know that? You should be bronzed and installed on a merry-go-round!

Signed, Da Qiao

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Red Hare,

*Sings*

**"If you're horny…let's do it…ride it…my pony…  
My saddle's…waiting…come and…jump on it!"**

Signed, Shadow Harness

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Shadow Harness,

…WTF?!?!?

Signed, Everybody

---------------------------------------------------------

Looks like Red Hare finally has found a mate to get together with after all!

* * *

**The End**

**That's all the letters we uncovered! Please review and thanks for reading!**


End file.
